Your “perfect two” equals my “number one”
Of all the types of therapy I could choose, my favorite work is with couples. Although many therapists shy away from couples work, I find it endlessly intriguing.
I support the health of couples relationships for many reasons, but the most profound is that you’ll never have another relationship that impacts you in quite the same way.
Think about it: you will most likely be in a marriage or long-term relationship longer than any other relationship in your life.
Making the commitment to marry someone is a commitment for life for most couples.
Having a 30-, 40-, or 50-year relationship – or longer – with the same person is asking for and being a witness to your partner’s life in a unique way.
No one else will know you as well, change and grow with you, have children with you (if you choose), or see you struggle and become your full self over a long period of time.
This is why it is important to choose wisely and to approach your partnership as an ever-changing relationship that may need maintenance along the way.
You wouldn’t drive a brand-new Mercedes off the lot and never change the oil or otherwise fail to maintain this fine piece of machinery.
Even the best-engineered machine needs fine tuning and maintenance to keep it performing at its peak.
A marriage is no different.
It takes two – AND it takes work.
Throughout your relationship, you’ll encounter unexpected stressors along the way.
Some may be relatively small – temporary unemployment, a transient illness – and with some work and adjustment, the two of you will work through them.
But bigger obstacles to continued intimacy and commitment, such as welcoming a new baby, moving across country for a better job, having your head turned by someone – or even a dalliance or infidelity – can jeopardize everything you two have built together.
Rocky patches – or the breaking of trust between partners – can be heartbreaking. Even devastating.
But there’s good news!
You can face AND heal them with remorse and a desire to recommit to your partner and the marriage.
No marriage (even the best ones you have seen) goes unscathed. Everyone must face a variety of challenges or stressful times.
But in doing so, you must make a key decision:
1. To overcome the obstacles to your intimacy and growth by recommitting to the bond between you and/or the family you’ve created
2. To walk away.
Even if you two have never weathered these extreme stressors, you may have experienced lulls – or periods of boredom – when the sameness of your day-to-day life seems unfulfilling and leaves you wanting more.
This is the best time to invest in some counseling!
Together, we can improve your communication and reset your expectations of yourself and each other to rekindle your spark and create an interesting and exciting life together.
Failing to address the sameness that may be wearing down your commitment is a sure path to seeing your partner as coming up short.
When you begin to think differently about your partner, you begin to feel differently about him or her, as well.
Fortunately, this goes both ways.
When you change your thinking, your love and interest in each other can return with even greater depth than you had when you first met!
And focus – on each other!
The death knell for most relationships comes when you place the focus of your life and main source of fulfillment elsewhere.
This focus shift can come from a variety of areas – raising your kids, over-involvement in your work, being on the golf course every weekend, choosing hobbies that require your undivided attention or resources from the marriage, etc.
“When was the last time you went away for a weekend or even overnight without the kids?”
Often, when I ask couples this question, neither of them can remember when it happened. Some couples have never had a romantic or kid-free weekend away since their children were born!
Sometimes, the last time was actually their honeymoon…
And they wonder 5, 10, or more years later where the romance has gone from their marriage.
When they cite lack of money as the excuse for a couples getaway, I ask them to tally up how much money they spent on Christmas gifts for their children.
Typically, that amount far exceeds the cost of a single night in a nice hotel where they could have experienced their love and connection for each other – without interruption from their daily lives.
Even a nice lunch or dinner in a local restaurant as a couple is a manageable expense that gives the marriage a sense of priority.
So, how long has it been since you’ve looked under the hood?
Is your relationship troubled by poor communication, endless bickering?
Are you fussing over finances? Struggling to set and keep goals for your future?
Suffering from a lack of desire for intimacy?
It’s time for a tune up, and I can help.
What if you could reignite your feelings of love and commitment for your partner in a sustaining, exciting, enduring way?
What would keeping you in the game for the long run be worth to you in time and money?
Give me a call today for a no-charge Initial Consult. Together, we can get your marriage back on track!